Daunt bookshop

Reading is daunting

or i find it daunting

 

they hold too

many stories

lives

possibilities

 

they are too powerful

what are we supposed to do?

choose

choose a book

or a life

choose the

best book

the best life

the perfect book

 

I hate books

i officially hate books

i don’t want to hear about books

But let them not disappear!

especially my books

whilst daunting

always books

stories

lives

and opportunities

 

Hoping to always have a life to guide with a book, or a books.

It doesn’t exist!

Love

it’s stupid

 

we’re designed to survive

And love looks like a devil

or maybe we just dress it up as one

we allow it to destroy us

and change our lives

 

we allow it to be perfect

when we are not

 

if we make love perfect

then there is no perfect

or maybe there is

a perfect

perfection

 

no idea what perfect is

but it’s not love

and it’s definitely not

me

The Pain of –

It’s always painful

being perfect

not being perfect

acting like perfect

faking perfect

dreaming

thinking

It’s always painful

 

Why

i ask

and

Ana and Mia reply

why not

being normal or staying the same is boring

and bad

only lazy people aren’t perfect

Always seize perfection

 

but what if I’m not

They reply

then you can be perfect

become perfect

fake it

not until you make it

but until you become it

remember?

 

But i’m just close

only close

 

Boys say i’m cute

girls say i’m sweet

boss says i’m committed

parents say i’m mature

and different

sometimes perfect

but i’m not perfect

 

Four years after overcoming anorexia, I can still predict my anorexic past

 

 

Fear of not being perfect

You are perfect when you make

people happy

when you resolve people’s problems

when you make them laugh

 

You are perfect when you never

make mistakes

and people

want to be with you

 

You are perfect when you never

stop smiling

or laughing

 

You are perfect when you are good

at everything

 

You are perfect when you are the

perfect girlfriend

the perfect

friend

the perfect daughter

student

dancer

leader

or counsellor.

 

I’ve never been perfect

I try

and sometimes I’m close

 

Once I was very close

and nearly died

 

I’m always close to being

perfect

but I’m not.