The Pain of –

It’s always painful

being perfect

not being perfect

acting like perfect

faking perfect



It’s always painful



i ask


Ana and Mia reply

why not

being normal or staying the same is boring

and bad

only lazy people aren’t perfect

Always seize perfection


but what if I’m not

They reply

then you can be perfect

become perfect

fake it

not until you make it

but until you become it



But i’m just close

only close


Boys say i’m cute

girls say i’m sweet

boss says i’m committed

parents say i’m mature

and different

sometimes perfect

but i’m not perfect


Four years after overcoming anorexia, I can still predict my anorexic past



Fear of not being perfect

You are perfect when you make

people happy

when you resolve people’s problems

when you make them laugh


You are perfect when you never

make mistakes

and people

want to be with you


You are perfect when you never

stop smiling

or laughing


You are perfect when you are good

at everything


You are perfect when you are the

perfect girlfriend

the perfect


the perfect daughter




or counsellor.


I’ve never been perfect

I try

and sometimes I’m close


Once I was very close

and nearly died


I’m always close to being


but I’m not.